The God of the Turned Back

Dear...

No.

That word implies love. Equality. Trust.

Listen.

--

I am the God of the Turned Back

For I gave you Myself and you blinked.

All of My beautiful Works you Corrupted.

You stab Me while making eye-contact.

--

I am the God of the Turned Back for I have used the tools you provided Me with, and I starve.

I built My shelter with what you gave Me, and yet I can't stop shivering.

We are the God of the Turned Back, because sometimes it's better to turn your back.

I sought water from the spring you showed Me and it tastes like tears and blood in My spit.

All my labours you have poisoned.

--

I am the God of the Turned Back because you have made Me the poison.

All My labours I have poisoned.

All My labours are poison.

I am the God of the Turned Back.

--

I am the God of the Turned Back because My hands are too tired to be shown in public. They have been worried raw.

Their fingers hope for something, but know the awful, boring truth, and fret just to do something.

The know that anything they touch will go stop.

Once they fought, like the rest of Me.

Bravery leaves you alone.

Anxious and never quite comfortable.

--

"There's that smile."

My back is to you.

My smile is for my friends.

We are the God of the Turned Back.

--

I am the God of the Turned Back, because you have misused every part of me.

I have a killer's morals now

I am truly poor.

--

I brought the words to sing clouds of love, and the colours from my dreams to paint messages of hope on the wind

You released chemicals to colour the breeze and choke the tongue.

My eyes run with blood. I can't see anymore.

I am the God of the Turned Back.

--

If I am a God, why do you treat me like this.

When will it be my turn?

When will it be my turn?

There is nothing left.

We are the God of the Turned Back .

--

I am the God of the Turned Back because I have been dead this whole time

I keep My back turned because I was the last to realise.

I turn My back because I am embarrassed.

Tears laminate tears through bitter laughter.

--

I am the God of the Turned Back

Because I am a slave, and a slave-owner.

I have blood on My hands and I don't know whose it is.

--

I am the God of the Turned Back

Because I have to protect what is left of My heart.

Even though I want to spit on it and grind broken glass into it.

--

I am the God of the Turned Back

Whose formative years were the Twin Towers and a global recession.

Whose father was a wry smile and whose mother was an embarrassed frown about 'making a scene'

I am the God of the Turned Back because a turned back is certain.

My skin is flayed beyond hue. It is the grey of exhaustion. It is the grey feeling of old battlefields and the bottom of wells.

I am the God of the Turned Back because it will never be my turn.

I am the God of the Turned Back because I'm a frenzied fucking lunatic who has kept himself chained down.

I am the God of the Turned Back because I tried for so long to be any other God.

I am the God of the Turned Back who for the first time is going to be selfish, and bitter, and lazy.

Pray for the man who lasted that long. Pray for his battered hide. Pray for a broken toy. Pray for some quick, soft moment of kindness.

Pray for us kids who tried to smile.

Pray for our lost generation.

The ones who didn't make it who turned out to be visionaries.

Pray for my scars, they're yours. As open as my wallet.

We band together, us lot. The fireheads, the burned-out.

Join Me in the darkness.

Join Us in the darkness.

I turn my back.

Do that with me.

We are the God of the Turned Back.

Signed: _________