The Four Letter Word that Everyone Wants

I only know pain when it comes to love.

Broken hearts,

lonely faces,

scarred minds,

scared bodies.

I didn't know how to date.

I wish I knew then,

what I knew now.

Maybe I wouldn't be so afraid of it.

Maybe I wouldn't hate myself.

I don't want any other relationship,

if it was anything like that one.

He didn't want me,

he wanted my body.

He was always in control,

and I was afraid of him.

I thought that's what dating was.

They were in control,

and you did everything they asked.

I was young and I didn't know any different.

I only stayed with him because I didn't want to be alone.

When I finally gained the courage,

to tell him it was over,

I was relieved and sad.

I was relieved that I wouldn't have to do anything else he told me.

But I was sad because I was alone.

I want that four letter word.

I want gentle, and kind.

I want someone to want my soul,

not my body.

I want someone who asks if I'm okay

instead of telling me to shut up.

I want someone to show me,

what that four letter word

really means.