The Feeling of Anxiety

It's like a leak inside a dam.

At first, you don't realize it's there,

Softening the ground you've so trustingly put your feet on.

The water trickles away and cracks the dam.

Cracks your mind.

Bleeds into your soul like a carpet stain.

It's harmless.

You see it.

You see this dam, a great wall of thoughts that you can't think about.

A great wall.

A great wall with bricks.

Bricks scorched dry by the furnace of affliction.

Bricks made with your tears

Bricks made with your hundreds of rules,

Rules that only you follow.

The dam trickles on,

You can't look at it.

You can't touch the water,

You can't stop the water,

You're like a ticking time bomb.

A wired water clock,

Running out of time,

Hiding the wall from your friends,

Hiding the wall to make you feel ordinary,

The wall that holds everything back.

The dam that damns you.

The dam that saves you.

Guess what happens when it breaks.

An old man once remarked to me that he ought to watch me after doing scary things.

That's when the dam breaks.

My first date in a year.

I got home three hours ago.

My heart still pounds,

My chest still heaves,

I am still afraid.

I beat on my chest as I hold my breath,

It feels like my heart has stopped.

Every train of thought I take gets me lost,

Every time I face the feeling, I lose.

I'm trapped in a canyon.

My lungs heave.

My heart falters.

My body collapses.