The Fear in Joy

We march through the streets dressed in rainbows and smiles

Dancing and waving at cheering crowds

But even as I wave, I can see them—

The haters behind the smiles

Billy-Bob waving his rifle over his head

And gesturing at the parade

His chin pointing out the colorfully clad dancers

As if making a list

I know that guy—am I on it?

The woman grasping the hand of her son

And pulling him through the cheering audience,

Hectoring him: “Hurry up! You don’t need to see this!”

Even the poorest of lip-readers could see it

She looks just like my neighbor

We nod to each other over our mailboxes

Before hurrying back inside our semi-safe homes

Was that really her?

I can feel the smile slipping off my face

And falling to the pavement beneath my feet

I stomp on it as we march by

I don’t know how to retrieve it now

Lyn says “Never mind, it’s fine

“Remember how far we’ve come.”

But the two-mile parade feels decades long

And there’s still so far to go

And my feet hurt almost as much as my heart

As I search the crowd for genuine smiles

I know they are out there

I know they are

But after the parade

All I feel is exhaustion and fear

Will I never belong?