The Eve of Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse…

HA!

The kids are screaming, husbands passed out on the couch

too much Christmas party cheer for the old man of the house.

A naked child tears through the hall

escaped from the bath, water crashing through the wall.

The dog it’s barking, at nothing in particular

and I’m just here like WTF

did we just top the Richter

The old clock it chimes, emitting chills of anxiety

I scathe, glaring back,

resentful of it being so high and mighty

“You think you can do better?” I say

but it just sits there looking all regal, ticking away

St Nicks tricks of time, his magical ingenuity.

From him it slows down, so he makes it right around.

All his jobs get done, the kids smiling and having fun

But for me the opposed,

time quickens, not slows.

The jobs they’re a’piling

And now I really feel like crying

Well wishing neighbours drop by,

spreading cheer and I’m horrified

Did we get them a gift?

No matter, a box of choccy’s will do the trick.

They stay, a cuppa or two,

God can they leave, so much shit to do!

Forgotten ingredients, last minute present trips,

hauled through the hurricane, the shopping centre vortex.

Carols are blaring, tunes permeate my bones,

my temple, throbbing to the beat

I just wanna go home.

But I’m bumped by trolleys and stuck in the queue

Where are the bon bons?!

Calm down Karen

Chaos ensues

The traffic home is obscene and I fall through the door,

Carrying the load in one go, like sherpas’ afore.

The presents aren’t wrapped, the stockings not hung

Meats not marinating, no prep has been done

But the champagne is chilled and I’ve kicked off early

If Santa is lucky we might get down and dirty

Finally everyone is asleep, the hush has fallen

…Sort of

The orchestra of snores is ringing through the house

Each bedroom contributing in time,

A dull roar about is about

I tip toe away, quiet as can be,

time to finish that champagne, a few glasses, just me

Now this is peace, and I wish it for all.

This crazed rumble is somehow worth it after all

We’ve privilege a’plenty and it’s easy to forget that

I sit and reflect on this, as I now kick back.

Each part of me aches and I’m close to slumber.

Slowly drifting off, I could have sworn I heard,

a swirling twinkly sound, sleigh bells ringing,

the soft pawing of hooves, prancing around.

A plump man appears, with a bushy white beard,

walks right over, puts another glass of champagne in my hand

The most delightful of intruders that I ever did see.

Feelings of calm and contentment whirl through me.

A dream, a daze, a beautifully foggy haze,

booze induced or stress related psychosis?

Who knows how I landed in this blissful state right here,

but I’m grateful.

After all, it’s the most magical time of the year