The Drain

TRIGGER WARNING

Hi, I’m Malarie. I’m an addict.

This poem captures my downfall. This was written the day after I shot up crystal meth for the first time. I was resentful, and blamed someone for my relapse. Blame, shame and guilt will only propel you further into addiction. It wasn’t until I was able to let go and hold only myself accountable for my actions that I started to see growth. You can’t change anyone but yourself, that has to be one of the best lessons I’ve learned thus far.

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You built me up,

Just to strip me down.

You say love me...

Why did you spit on my crown?

Your soul reeks of death.

Your heart makes no sound.

Your mind is corrupt.

but Your tone is profound.

A misguided girl, you saw as easy prey

you ruined my life day after day.

Started off slow

Then full speed ahead

It's a crash course..

You took her soul instead

Her heart is cold

Alive, but dead

Your hurtful words play on repeat

Inside her brainwashed head.

Now she’s empty.

Her colors red.

She blamed herself,

So harder she tried.

Begging for the promise of love,

Gift wrapped in your lies.

You watched her dying,

And laughed while she cried,

You knew she was weak,

That's how you got inside.

Broken promises and wicked schemes,

Images of you filled her daydreams.

You liked her when she was high,

So higher she got

You liked her when she was fun,

So inhibitions she had not

She would please you

On your every whim,

In hopes you would notice her loyalty

And choose her over them.

You would leave temptations,

All around the house

You snuck in and stole her choice

Like a disease ridden mouse.

That full point was the end.

You watched your master plan unfold.

Sitting on a shelf

For when she doubted herself

You pushed her there,

hoping she would give in.

You knew what you were doing,

Pretending to be a friend.

Blackest of crows

captured the white dove.

You put a miserable name

On the name of love.

She was alone and broken

From the words you had not meant,

but so easily spoken.

Devastated from the love that now lingers,

She counted the times you'd hurt her on her fingers.

Each was another reason.

Emotions whirled like the seasons.

Landed on winter.

Ice cold, one last bender.

Her hand shakily gripped the syringe

She was surprised at how easily it went in.

Missed once, missed twice

That third time, she shot the ice.

She felt it course through her veins,

Trying to understand how he loved something that caused so much pain.

Her head started crawling and her eyes rolled back..

Then the guilt sets in, she fell for the trap.

Instant regret.

8 months sober..

Her heart instantly grew colder.

You never loved her,

You soiled her soul.

You took her trust and committed the untold.

Sneaky snake, got her high

She trusted you most.

King of Lies.

You slipped your dope coated hand inside -

"He would never do that!"

- her heart told her against reason.

But the facts added up,

He had changed with the seasons.

Summer, he burned hot.

Out to create chaos on a quite rock.

“Leave her alone!”

said the people of the hill..

He grew stronger as he silently bent her will.

8 months down the drain, so she might as well.

8 months down the drain, he will burn in hell.

She threw the needle down, remembering why she quit.

She readjusted her crown to see if it still fit.

She will never forgive you for this

Soulless act of malice.

She thought you did no wrong

She trusted you with her hearts song

She wanted this high to go away.

She was tormented by guilt for two full days.

The shame she felt was like nothing before,

All she wanted was for you to love her more.

You treated her the same, no worse..

Than your dope whores.

You’ll never lie to me again.

She firmly swore.

03/30/2020