Poets logo

The Days After

They're Only Silenced So Long

By Josie Del VallePublished 2 years ago 4 min read
Like
The Days After
Photo by Anh Nguyen on Unsplash

My hearts racing, I'm nauseous, My thoughts are all catastrophic, And on top of all of it, I can't make it stop.

The darkness gets darker, The hole in my stomach grows larger, And the feeling of getting farther from reality sinks in.

The doom and the dread, takes over my head, in a pandemonium full swing.

I guess that's why I should know better than to drink.

And yet regardless I try, for in the moment and time, there's sweet bliss and happiness.

Where the traumas of past, feel all gone at last, And for once, maybe I can relax and have fun.

Nah son.

Because the next day it's back, full on attack, onslaught of anxiety I had blocked the night before. Banging, banging, on my minds door.

"Did you really think that we were gone before? Did you really think we were so easily silenced, did you really think that you could so easily deny us access to your guilt and shame?" They laugh.

"We'll forever scream and shout your name, and make you remember all of the things, that you try to keep buried inside. You cannot hide, and more over cannot deny, the pain that we'll forever bring you. There's really nothing you can do. So buckle up buttercup, and leave the rest to us, as we now scrutinize your every step last night!"

And then proceed to fill my head with lies, of how I must've looked in everyone else's eyes.

And in my weakness I begin to cry, and succumb to thoughts of wanting to die, because there's just no restart in life.

Unfortunately this is no video game, and once you say and do things, out there it forever stays.

It haunts and dances through out the day, mocking everything you try to say to reason with yourself that IT IS OKAY!

They tell you, "YOU lie."

They chant "Did you really think that we didn't see all of the catastrophe, from the moment you arrived, till when you finally did leave? Do you really think we did not see? Did YOU not notice all of the stares, while thinking you're cute, floating on air? Or did you honestly believe that they really cared, or wanted to hang out outside of there? You must be dreaming."

They continue screaming: "Aw poor baby, did you open up too much? Talk to much of the past, and the things that you've done, and now they're whispering, judging you for each one, all because for a second, alcohol made your walls come undone. And I bet as you danced, you hoped and you chanced, that you actually looked good out there. But you left your self bare, for all of the stares, as instead you stumbled over your feet everywhere. What an ass! Zero class. And we have saved the best for last. For we even know what you didn't see. When you finally did leave. The party lighted up with glee, because everybody was ecstatic to see you go. Didn't you know? They don't really care. And sure as hell don't really want you there."

I blankly stare as they continue; "Is there anything more pathetic than someone trying to force their way in? Sorry kid, you can't win. And all this 'Family Love' you think your in, is just a devilish grin of charm. It's all a false alarm, in truth, you are ALONE."

Demons. That's what they are. My demons. And they grow stronger when I drink.

That's what I need to accept and believe, there's no other way for me.

I can handle my demons soberly, but just one drink is to toxic for me. It enables them to really scream, not just for 1 day after, 2 or 3. It takes A WHILE to shake the anxiety, even from a simple 1 drink.

I guess "the days after" are no longer meant for me, unless I want to succumb to the demons pleas, and end this pointless existence it seems.

So it's acceptance for me, I must concede, repeat to myself Not even 1 drink.

Fuck all these demons, and all of their pleas.

There will be NO more "Days After" for me.

heartbreak
Like

About the Creator

Josie Del Valle

I'm a down to earth person, as anyone else. My writings come from moments in time that have inspired me. These are thoughts I dare not utter out loud. My writings are not for everyone, and they were not meant to be. They simply are me.

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.