The Colors of My Name

My life as an early teen was very drab.

Muted colors dominated.

Nothing sparkled, like an old tube TV with the colors broken,

Not gone just dull, beige, boring yuck.

Now at night, when I dreamed the colors burst out,

Danced with brilliant, vibrant life.

The people in my dreams smiled and encouraged me,

Were happy for me.

I grew to love the dreams,

I would wake desperately trying to remember all the details.

They would fade into the dullness of the day,

So, I would anxiously await the next dream.

Slowly the pattern of the dreams emerged,

Always the same

Asleep the dull boy I appeared,

Awake the beautiful vibrant girl I knew I was.

As time passed the details crystalized, sparkled, mesmerized.

I would remember a little more each morning,

So, at night I could start the dreams just before I fell asleep.

And remember more and more,

Beautiful dark green forests

Shocking pink flowers, dazzling red cardinals,

Blues and pinks and whites in the evening sky.

Then one night the angelic Juliet came over to talk with me,

We walked down a winding flower garden path.

She touched my arm and I shivered, goose bumps erupting everywhere,

She said, “Jaimie I am so happy to meet you, to know you!”

I said “Jaimie?” she answered, “Of course Jaimie, that’s your name!”

Then I knew, if the colors came to my daytime life,

If I awoke the girl, I knew I was, I would know my name.

I am not a teen anymore,

I am mature and loving trans woman,

Living a brilliantly colored world,

I can quite happily say “Hi! My name is Jaimie! How are you?”