The Colorful Gray

In the gray of late February I was delivered into this existence.

My father was a hue of orange and red. The fire of passion and resilience always followed him closely.

My mother was a deep navy blue. She had this unyielding strength and willpower to her soul that you could feel when she would look into your eyes.

I remember when my mother told me how I was always either black or white. As a child it was very clear that I struggled with expressing myself and articulating the ways in which I felt.

At times I was

an angel

and the other moments I spent being

a varmint.

As a young child without much experience I would yell and scream until I got my way no matter what the cost. The darkness would often consume me, as strong feelings of tension or irritability would overcome my sense of being.

But when things were well I was a white light filled with love and peace. I went with the flow and never raised my voice in disagreement.

Most of my childhood was spent in either rage or bliss.

As I grew older I learned to appreciate the gray and what it holds.

By blending both the dark and light I am left with a muted white or a lighter dark.

In essence they are the same and the polarities cease to exist but in the way of this world they also coexist. This paradox of ponder showed me that there is always different ways of thinking and being.

By controlling my anger it helped me to remember that there was still light beyond those dark feelings.

I feel very deeply so this is still a skill that I am learning. When dark thoughts flood my mind’s eye it is easy to get lost in them at first but I always try to remind myself of the light.

This light of reason will guide me past the dark matter that floats in the abyss.

Once you see the light peaking through the darkness of your thoughts it pulls to into a world of color.

Where the possibility of perspectives are endless.

Of course there will always be these darker hues of thought but they are equally as important as the light. They keep you grounded to the realities of this world.

It would be amazing to embody only the positives of light everyday but I know this isn’t humanly possible. Because I have learned to embrace and accept the darker colors I appreciate the duality that it brings.

By mixing the dark and light I have become someone who no longer gets consumed by the fleeting feelings of nature. Instead I am a being experiencing these colors and learning to appreciate every hue and shade.