THE CAMPER VAN

THE CAMPER VAN

I bought a little camper van,
I drove it everywhere,
I used it like a passion van,
I really did not care.

The guys thought I was ace,
Driving every place I could,
They loved it when we made love,
Like witches in the woods.

The windows steamed like puddings,
The curtains danced about,
The van began to rock so much,
The headlights nearly fell out.

An owl sat watching from a tree,
He nearly lost his grip,
He turned his head right round twice,
Then gave a cheeky wink.

A farmer knocked upon the door,
And shouted, What goes on?
I told him we were fixing things,
He said, Your wheels have gone.

A goat climbed through the window,
And ate my lover’s shirt,
He chased it in his underpants,
And landed in the dirt.

A copper saw the rocking van,
He tapped upon the glass,
I told him it was windy,
He said, Don’t give me that.

One night I parked beside a church,
The vicar heard us shout,
He thought the choir had started,
And brought the hymn books out.

The camper van grew famous,
From Blackpool down to Kent,
But all that wild excitement,
Made one big awful dent.

I sold my little camper van,
To Granny down the street,
She winked and said, Don’t worry, love,
I’ll keep your passion seat.