The Beast & Me

Black.

And so, so heavy.

I’m tired of carrying you around.

Your weight on my shoulders,

It’s crushing me.

-

I need to stop, hide, slow down.

I can’t face them today.

I don’t have the energy.

You’ve sucked the life right out of me.

You were hungry and I fed you,

That was my first mistake.

-

Today you feel much stronger,

I’m prepared to lose this fight.

Just a rest, a little respite,

That’s all I need.

I’m not hiding, I swear,

I promise I’ll do the next thing.

-

Don’t touch me. Don’t speak,

Isolation, the only cure.

Avoidance of reality.

Not so “high-functioning” now,

Are we?

-

Never truly alone.

The beast lives on my back,

Dictating where I go.

I must regain control.

-

Tomorrow is a new day.

Starve it, weaken it.

Still it lingers,

Black and sticky like tar.

Always just a few steps behind me.

-

Today I can breathe.

The burden not as heavy as it was.

I approach that which I would rather avoid.

I feel braver, stronger.

-

But I feel you still,

Ever present, watching, waiting.

Starving. Begging me to feed you.

Picking up the scraps I carelessly drop,

Until the day, I give you a meal.

-

And there you are again,

Forever the beast & me.

The weight on my back.

The inescapable black.