Telephone

Mae became one of my best friends

after I recognized

the counterfeit connections

in my life

and decided to leave them aside

*

She showed up

and brought a bona fide

friendship into my life

*

The time I realized she was a real one

was on a Monday morning just after 9

when she said something that brought tears to my eyes

*

Kelsey was in my crime scene photography class

She was lonely hanging out with the popular kids

So she would hang out with us during our break

*

One day Kelsey gossiped about her friend Gabby

who sat at our table in first period

"She hooked up with the guy from the basketball team,

and they did everything, but sex."

*

Mae's eyes spread wide and she smiled when she said,

"Oh, they did everything BUTT SEX?"

as she thrusted her hips forward and back again

*

Mae and I

couldn't stop laughing

Our belly's blew a gasket

as our eyes cried

*

We weren't keen to gossip

but we joked about stupid things all the time

*

Kelsey was unamused

she felt more comfortable talking smack

than laughing at things that were meaninglessly funny

*

So after that day Kelsey said

she'd rather hang out with Gabby

and the popular kids again

*

Flashforward 15 years

Mae and I still bust a lung

when we reminisce on,

"Everything BUTT SEX."

and how her stupid joke

made the chismosa afraid to hang with us

*

Mae told me something else

that made me laugh even more that day

"Kelsey got so butt hurt by 'everything butt sex'

but I swear I saw her nipples on Instagram."

*

If the joke wasn't already funny enough

the delayed irony was even funnier

Our insider grew even more hilarious that day