Stuck, Going Through The Motions

Drowning in a sea of discontent.

I wonder sometimes, what kind of courage it would take to run away. To start over.

Not like an angry child, who isn't getting their way.

But an honest, deep need and desire to disconnect from things that just aren't working.

I have found myself stuck on auto, simply, going through the motions. Is it because it's what is expected, or that's how it's always been done? I don't know the answer.

Every day: I go to sleep, (which rarely is restful) get up, go to work, go through the routines and then continue to repeat the same steps again the next day, and the next, and the next.

Feeling no real interaction or connection, just completing the necessary process to get to the next day.

Where is the life in living like that? What has become of joy?

The idea of a new town, a new job, and new faces - beginning brand new, with a clean slate, sounds appealing.

But I wonder, would I continue to be the same?

Would I fall into the same old ruts and routines, crawling shamed, back to what was familiar? Would I miss the old routine, or would I thrive and come back to life?

What scares me more than being alone is the thought that I could disappear, and no-one would even notice.

Being invisible and/or disposable, is one the hardest truths to consider.

What if it's me?

Am I the only one feeling this way?

It's terrifying to think that this, is all there is.

No deep love or devotion, no real connection or satisfaction. Just surviving.

Anyone else feel this way?