Strange...

Strangely, I love loneliness...

Sometimes it looks like I need an escape from the outside world. The real world needs so much effort to be part of it. You need to be a mother, a wife a cook, a cleaner, a student, a teacher an accountant and so much more. They expect everything to be done by you. Sucking your blood till there is no more left in your veins. Even if you go pale color and can't breathe anymore, they will be there... pushing you. I ask myself: Do they have to care? But I do have to care, that is for sure. That is the exact moment; when I feel exhausted and take a step back. Closing myself inside, in need of some quiet and alone time. Just doing nothing, at least for today. Tired of everything! Tired of that smirking smile that is everywhere. No, at this moment I wanted to kill that smile and let my true self be free.

Unfortunately, that pipping sound from the hallway is not stopping. That does not help. So, I gave up by laying down my head on the couch and listening to the rhythm. It looked like the sound was following my heart's beating. My eyes were heavy, ready to doze off. In that deafening silence, I hear a weak voice saying:

I am here, I am there, I am nowhere.

See me not find me not.

Hidden in the darkest spot.

Hear your pain with no gain.

There is more under that veil.

Go back, go back in time,

and think about this one more time.

A little girl who now is a woman,

That Autumn Day to be summoned.

What the hell did I just hear? Is my mind playing with me? I would better prefer to go back and sleep. Just a little nap, to recover from everything. That nap is the best escape.

Yes, there we go. The heart beating slowed down, the breath heavier, eyes closed and the dark came hugging me. I think... I am dreaming, probably a beautiful dream... Feeling a strong and wide smile, happiness surrounded like being in heaven. And there she is out of nowhere, touching a white snow dress... kissing the perfect body...Looking at her hair bright as the sun...going down her face, is a fairytale smile... that can vaporize the blackest clouds.

A perfect creature, so gorgeous, so happy so heavenly.

Wondering around a deep scream from inside out came destroying it.

Wake up!

Wake up!

Something terrible is going to happen...