Stopped

When did the light hurt my eyes?

They say it’s just less melanin,

But I know it goes deeper than that.

Those I trusted turned to enemies,

I can feel the cracks inside

As I plaster a golden smile mask.

Did everything I was supposed to

But it was never enough

So I fled to the darkness.

There I realized I belonged

The darkness wasn’t dark at all

For the the light was false.

Every time I stepped into that house

My skin would crawl

My breath catching in my throat.

I didn’t fit the cookie-cutter mold

That they tried to brainwash me with

To be another future Stepford Wife.

Their eyes are dead and yet

they don’t realize their masks are suffocating

Their souls from deep inside.

They greet me with fake affection

Clinging to the false light they crave

While judging me underneath.

The looks of pity

As they think I’m broken

And lost to their brainwashing

Word, thought, and deed

I see them through them all

And yet I can’t seem to help

They’re tearing and shredding,

Spiraling me out of control

And they say just come back to the light.

I see it for what it is

I will never go back.

So the crevice widens.

So I wait in the dark

For them to truly accept me

Knowing it will never happen.

Their love and tolerate

Love the sinner not the sin

Is only disapproval in disguise.

There is no true acceptance here

In this wayward light of old

Deep sadness fills my soul.

I know that I must stop

Going to that house where I cannot breathe

Or lose the progress I have made.

Darkness turned to light

As I realized who I truly am

And having found those that love an accept me.

No brainwashing, no more gaslighting.

No more outright denying my feelings and perspective.

No more feeling I don’t belong.

Realizing that I need to cut ties,

Although it hurts, I know it’s right

Or be forever stopped.