Still Waiting for My Moment of Clarity

Says one day I’ll understand,

Don’t think I ever will.

Only thing I’ll understand is how you made me feel.

Especially towards the end when you let me crash hard.

Dragging me along for months, I’m a masochist at heart.

...Because I let you,

Always stayed opened, Arms wide open, Forgiveness at hand, no questions.

So when you say I’ll understand, that it was all for the better,

Only thing I’ll understand is that I wasn’t in your picture.

Stayed by your side, still by your side for nothing.

Left me so lost, still looking for ways to get back to myself.

This will never happen again. Ever.

So thank you for letting go and the time spent.

But not towards the end when I was feeling lonely,

Cause all you wanted to do was go drinking with your buddies.

But it’s okay, it’s clear to me I didn’t deserve that.

And that time you hung out with that girl, you know about that girl, I told you about that girl,

She wanted you.

“Friendly flirting.”

It just makes me laugh, the irrelevance, ‘cause she came up to me like friends from way back.

But to be honest with you, wouldn’t have thought twice about it, no,

If I had felt appreciated,

Instead I was feeling neglected,

More like a puppy you leave to come home to when you were feeling your lowest.

But it’s in these moments when I see my strength.

It’s in these moments I realize I was your sunshine,

One you tried to destroy ‘cause you didn’t think you deserved,

Didn’t feel worthy; didn’t see your worth.

I know you won’t let go.

Two years from now I will get a call,

Telling me you’ve tried it all.

But I still feel a strain in my heart,

How are you so far, and still got me falling apart?

If you wanted me back you could have me,

And that’s honestly the worst.

Major recovery time, that’s the plan,

But I gotta let go of this broken dream first.

This will never happen again.