Steering From Learned Tendencies

Please note:

This is something I wrote several years ago.

I want to share it, because I find a poetic beauty in the things I wrote during my darkest of times - even at my hardest of moments, I was still able to write, to let it out in a beautifully expressive way. A way to capture moments in time, thoughts and feelings that I had to hide for many years.

But I'm not hiding them anymore, and I am proud of what I wrote, because it is a part of my story, and I am proud of how far I have come.

------------

Mummy,

Where were you

When

Daddy was tellin'

Me

That I was

useless-

"You stupid girl

Why don't you understand

That 1 + 1 is 2 times 6 is 12?

If there are 27 cake slices and

16 people, how does that divvy up?

Quick now, answer me already!"

Don't cry - you're a cry baby.

Don't yell - you're throwing a tantrum.

Don't react at all,

Cry in your room

Where no one can h e a r . . .

Listening at the door

While you say I'm tellin' lies-

"Liar, liar, pants on fire!"

I'm screamin' inside

For someone to

s a v e m e -

From this nightmare

I'm in!

You taught me dependency,

Imprinted those

~learned tendencies~

Who needs to problem solve, when

daDDy CaN dO iT fOr YoU!

But now I am grown,

And floating on a boat

In an endless sea-

With no idea

How to steer, or to find

My way to land...