Static Night

Streetlights buzz like Van Gogh's stars

as cars create grey tidal waves along sidewalks

and imitate the wind.

.

At night,

I watch videos online:

.

GoPro footage captured

from the dashboard of a van

driving from

Brownsville to Austin, Texas

while thunderstorms

crash around the vehicle;

.

fake livestreams of fake rain

as it falls over an artificial cabin

in a CGI forest;

.

sounds of ASMR rivers

as they pass through my room,

babbling

from my bedside table.

.

I don't acknowledge

"the ache."

.

I close my eyes

and listen to a car drive

through Texas,

as I hug myself

on a bed in Canada.

.

On Google Maps,

I look at pictures of

"trails near me,"

and everything feels

both too far away,

and much too close.

.

Forests with neatly carved out

hiking trails,

tucked in cul-de-sacs

of suburban towns,

or sparse trees leaning

along main roads

as they lead

to glass malls.

.

Leftover nature.

.

Crop circles

filled with cement

and plywood boxes.

.

And when I stare at them

for too long,

Van Gogh's stars

begin to look like

streetlights.