Spilt Milk

The apartment is quiet as I enter

And I take just a moment to find my center

It's the first time in days I've been alone

And those who've met me know I'm prone

To all such manner of misplacement

Despite all attempts of "proper" placement

Keys in freezers, clothes on the floor

Best intentions and to-do lists on the door

But something those who've met me might not see

Everything is everywhere it is supposed to be

Meds out in the open so that I don't forget

Mail shoved in the drawer- yes I'm ignoring my debt

Favorite cup up on the counter, why put it away?

Diet coke in the crisper drawer- I swear I'll quit someday

I head into the kitchen, fridge opens to the right

The lid on this just of milk is screwed on way too tight

Just put in some muscle, twist and it'll turn

The jug clatters to the tile- FUCK! When will I learn?

Tears spring to my eyes before I can fathom why

Of all things, is it really spilt milk that will make me cry?

Not the nurses hushed whispers outside my mothers room

Not the doctors mumbled droning as he filled my heart with doom

Not the wailing of my sister as I held her in my arms

Not the stricken look on my dads face as all hope was disarmed

I really shouldn't be surprised

That my feelings too, are so disorganized

That when I'm with other people I feel the need to be brave

But alone here on the floor I feel the need to be saved

I know I held my momma more than she ever held me

And I will never understand why that's how it had to be

But here on this sticky, white tile

I pretend I feel her arms around me for a while

To come to terms with all that has transpired

A newly motherless daughter alone and oh so tired

A new beginning to this unwelcome age

A brand new future still too murky to gauge

For now I will clean my spilt milk and dry my tears

Make myself at home with all of these new fears

And the only thing I can do, since time is such a thief

Is try to find a dusty shelf to store some of this grief