Speeding Cars

I am trying to escape my mind’s focusing energy

Which penetrates my strongest barriers

Against the feelings that rip

And tear at my fragile composition.

I stray from thought to thought,

Leaping out of orbit

Into a space no one has yet cared to venture.

I am stuck between reality and would and wouldn’t be’s;

And all the while, I find I am flustered.

My decisions and guesses claw their way

To the surface of my core.

They twist and interpret decisions

I try to pretend I don’t possess and haven’t made.

I reach but still I fall

Spiraling completely out of control.

The things I want and the things I expect

Conflict in similar interests.

Admitting only makes me more emotional

Which is the one thing I try not to be.

I bury the feeling that could promote chaos.

A chaos of the heart and the mind.

A chaos that could destroy my foundations.

Part of me screams leap !

The other remains frozen in its catatonic state

Unable to breathe,

Unable to move.