I am trying to escape my mind’s focusing energy
Which penetrates my strongest barriers
Against the feelings that rip
And tear at my fragile composition.
I stray from thought to thought,
Leaping out of orbit
Into a space no one has yet cared to venture.
I am stuck between reality and would and wouldn’t be’s;
And all the while, I find I am flustered.
My decisions and guesses claw their way
To the surface of my core.
They twist and interpret decisions
I try to pretend I don’t possess and haven’t made.
I reach but still I fall
Spiraling completely out of control.
The things I want and the things I expect
Conflict in similar interests.
Admitting only makes me more emotional
Which is the one thing I try not to be.
I bury the feeling that could promote chaos.
A chaos of the heart and the mind.
A chaos that could destroy my foundations.
Part of me screams leap !
The other remains frozen in its catatonic state
Unable to breathe,
Unable to move.