Somewhere

Fragments of a dreaming wake me ever so lightly,

I stumble to clear the elusive life overlapping from there to here.

Sunlight streams golden through un-curtained windows.

Clarity anchors in place.

I hear the grey rumbles of people scurrying through lives.

Passing each other with neither a nod or a smile,

Intent on their lists of all they must do.

I alone have nothing to do.

The cool wooden floor under bare feet,

Painted in scuffed white, reminiscent of beach huts and gritty sand.

Days that were endless, in laughter and family and love.

Memory rolls by day after day.

Mirror mirror on the wall, “who can be happy for ever more?”

A mother, a father, a child so loved.

Embraced in futures nurtured in rose coloured glass.

Shattered. Tore from my grasp.

Water streams down, down into the ground

Over me, around me, though me. Colourless.

Washing fragments of days and months, and now a year.

Merging salty wretched tears.

Clothes are chosen with little care

Following a pattern repeated over and over and over.

Sunflowers drooping brown heads held low.

Reflections of dying everywhere.

Grief is coloured in the deepest of shades, in the palest of colours

No warmth, no vibrancy, no life that sings for joy.

I sit, I stand, I walk, I talk.

I am here.

Somewhere.

Just not yet.