Someone has to pay the bills

You don’t want to be called lazy, so you work tirelessly to appease society, working a job that causes you undue stress throughout the day while you

wait for the small hand of the clock to point to 5. It is the time when you can untie the tourniquet around your feet and legs that keep you enslaved in a

system that preaches no handouts for people who are physically capable of providing for themselves and their families. You just lost your wife, your

children lost their mother–a second source of income gone and you haven’t even had time to grieve or be the father they need.

As a child, your mama told you that grown men don’t cry, so every time you shed a tear, she tried to beat the ‘coward’ out of you. This time when your

eyes misted over, you knew better than to let the tears fall. Instead, you punched a hole in the wall scaring your five-year-old son and three-year-old

daughter, who asked in her sweet little voice, “Daddy, why did you punch the wall?” Their little faces are what keep you sane. Every day you question God–

asking him why he would do this to you. You did not prepare to raise children without a mother. Being a single parent isn’t a phase. It’s tough and you have to be strong for them too.

It’s easy to say “accept my condolences” or “I wish you guys the best,” but when you lose someone you loved way too soon, the heartaches that you feel

are so consuming that it swallows you whole without you even knowing. You despise the pity faces, the ones who question your ability to cook and clean.

Once a boy forced to grow up too soon, now being forced into another commitment you didn’t foresee. The world sees your physique and thinks to

themselves how strong you must be. They would never know that the hardest working muscle that makes up your heart was now the weakest link.

You stay up all night, unable to sleep because you still haven’t accepted the reality you now live. The only reason you’re still alive is because of your

favorite two heartbeats. The one person who taught you how to love, encouraged you and gave you a reason to smile no longer exists. She never

accused you of being less than, never called you weak. Now the holidays are coming, once your favorite time of year. You both took walks in the park, feet

crunching on fallen leaves. You wished you could take time off to recharge. Your body is still numb from all the pain. However, in today’s world, someone has to ensure the bills are paid.

...

Thank you for reading. This poem came to me last night right before bed and I needed to write it. Hopefully someone can resonate with it. I couldn’t help but think about the many people who don’t get an opportunity to recharge. I had to write one of their stories in the form of poetry. They too need a voice and a moment to breathe.