"Somedays..."

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(WARNING! Emotional Trigger Warning - Extra Dark poem)

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"Somedays..."

By Ross E F Lombardi

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Somedays there is no moral crusade or political agenda.

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Somedays you want to do an act of terrorism for no reason at all!

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Somedays you feel so overwhelmed and overfilled with pain that you just want to release the pressure...

...to squirt that shit over everyone...

...like toxic - hot - viper - poison - hate cum - over the whore worlds back.

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Somedays you want to kill a random stranger...

...Somone deeply loved by many...

...just to make their family mourn their loss.

...And fill their community with doubt and fear.

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Somedays, NOT all days, just some. - Only some.

You DO want to set the world on fire,

Or spread a plague,

Or strap a bomb to your chest,

Or carry a weapon.

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Somedays,

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Sometimes,

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It is Very hard to find any humanity within.

To Not rage - and scream - and torture - and harm - and kill.

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Somedays of my mental illnesses Are much harder than others

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Much - much -harder!

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There is no easy fix.

There is no trite 'size fits all' answer.

Only sheer, white knuckle tightening willpower.

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Somedays keeping your willpower - your strength - your soul IS HARD!

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Somedays the temptation to be a weak-willed, violent, wicked arse hole has a hellish powerful pull.

The forever current riptide undertow of the eternal scorching void sea - yanks me under.

It tries to drown me, - To make me its own, - To make me its bitch!

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Sometimes my head goes under and I taste its rancid bitterness.

It violates my mind.

I am forced to swallow its salty dark seed.

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- BUT! -

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But I am not a quitter

I am not weak.

I am a fighter.

My head rises.

Despite all exhaustion,

I Still, Somehow, Keep Swimming.

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I WILL HOLD ON!

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I stay my ground

Feet firm.

Fists tightened in effort.

"Not today evil!"

I say,

"Fuck off!"

"I will Not submit!"

"You will not own my sweet tight nutty ass!"

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I WILL be the Healer! - The Teacher - The Giver! - The Good Person!

Never yet another mere wuss-deluded thug!

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I will Not become the man that hurt my mother.

I will Not turn into him.

I refuse to be him!

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I Shall Do No Harm!

I will stay as the terrified child!

I beat you again, Mr Insanity.

You lose!

I win again!

I WIN!

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- TODAY ! -

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- I ! -

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- WIN ! -

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