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Soft Whisper of Hopelessness

Living with disability

By Sid Aaron HirjiPublished 2 years ago 2 min read
4
Soft Whisper of Hopelessness
Photo by Nathan Anderson on Unsplash

Every night I lie awake,

Feel like my life is a huge mistake.

Troubled by stress, feeling its manifestations is all I can take.

When I finally fall asleep then wake up I grieve,

To those who don’t know me it may be hard to believe,

That suicide and self-harm are first thing on my mind.

It comes like an obsessive thought that plays then rewinds.

Feel like a product of my illness and dysphoria,

Will do anything just to feel a bit of euphoria.

Lack confidence I need to succeed,

Live inside my head making it hard to proceed.

Decide my disability is some sick joke,

I feel sick inside like I am going to choke,

And want nothing more than to fall down and croak.

Yet doing this the Schizophrenia never dies,

I will just be another person whose life it denies.

With this knowledge I reach for strength within,

To silence the terrible deafening mental din.

Yet somehow it will never truly go away,

I promise myself tomorrow but tomorrow is now today.

Yet while my soul feels like it is dying,

I can and will not stop trying.

My tears may keep on falling,

Yet my friends always hear my spirit calling.

Friends whom I owe nothing,

Yet their humanity fills me with something.

A will to keep carrying on,

Even when I feel all is gone.

I get my head out of this mental sand,

Reach out and grab their extended hand.

Realize while different we all share a common bond,

One of friendship which I could not be more fond.

While my impulsive wish would have lost everything with nothing gained,

I thank all my true friends who have remained.

Feel while sometimes it seems there is no hope at all,

Someone will be there to catch me when I fall.

slam poetry
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About the Creator

Sid Aaron Hirji

Canadian born man who finds literature and science equally fascinating. Trauma bleeds through generations, words heal the hidden scars.

youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCS3WEyx5XeX-o8xRwG-cMlg

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