Soft Whisper of Hopelessness
Living with disability
Every night I lie awake,
Feel like my life is a huge mistake.
Troubled by stress, feeling its manifestations is all I can take.
When I finally fall asleep then wake up I grieve,
To those who don’t know me it may be hard to believe,
That suicide and self-harm are first thing on my mind.
It comes like an obsessive thought that plays then rewinds.
Feel like a product of my illness and dysphoria,
Will do anything just to feel a bit of euphoria.
Lack confidence I need to succeed,
Live inside my head making it hard to proceed.
Decide my disability is some sick joke,
I feel sick inside like I am going to choke,
And want nothing more than to fall down and croak.
Yet doing this the Schizophrenia never dies,
I will just be another person whose life it denies.
With this knowledge I reach for strength within,
To silence the terrible deafening mental din.
Yet somehow it will never truly go away,
I promise myself tomorrow but tomorrow is now today.
Yet while my soul feels like it is dying,
I can and will not stop trying.
My tears may keep on falling,
Yet my friends always hear my spirit calling.
Friends whom I owe nothing,
Yet their humanity fills me with something.
A will to keep carrying on,
Even when I feel all is gone.
I get my head out of this mental sand,
Reach out and grab their extended hand.
Realize while different we all share a common bond,
One of friendship which I could not be more fond.
While my impulsive wish would have lost everything with nothing gained,
I thank all my true friends who have remained.
Feel while sometimes it seems there is no hope at all,
Someone will be there to catch me when I fall.
About the Creator
Sid Aaron Hirji
Canadian born man who finds literature and science equally fascinating. Trauma bleeds through generations, words heal the hidden scars.
youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCS3WEyx5XeX-o8xRwG-cMlg
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