Snippet of Alice Poems

Madder Still Dear Alice

Madder than the hatter she seems to be of late.

But, she can go much more madder still.

Yes, yes.

Just wait and see. Just wait and see.

She hides it all under lock and key,

Don’t you see? Don’t you see?

Away behind her door.

Never to be opened by anyone but she.

For when things get bad, she just might

Turn the key. Turn the key.

And then she will be back in her Wonderland,

For all to see. For all to see.

Back down the rabbit hole where she

Ought to be. Ought to be.

The only place safe for she

To become madder than she.

For the roses bleed redder here;

And the hearts crumble beyond repair.

For the flowers sing in melodies;

And the twins turn her head in riddles so.

For the only one not mad here,

Is really the Hatter and the Cheshire.

For she is the hatter, not He.

And it is she who is much more madder still to be.

6.2.2018

Lost Control Fell Apart

I lost control I don’t know when

It all fell apart I don’t remember when

I’ve lost myself to the demons that play inside of me

Ripping and clawing away at me

Shredding at me any way they can

Tearing apart my hopes.

I lost control I don’t know when

It all fell apart I don’t remember when

Was it recent with life and work?

Was it as I fell deeper in the darkness

Like when Alice fell down the rabbit hole?

The only difference is this:

Alice came back.

I lost control I don’t know when

It all fell apart I don’t remember when

I’ve gazed at the Cheshire’s grin a little too long

That I’ve become madder than the hatter still.

I lost control I don’t know when

It all fell apart I don’t remember when

Was it years ago?

Losing the first house, and moving everywhere

Possibly imaginable?

Just how many times did we move?

Just to pack up and move again?

I lost control I don’t know when

It all fell apart I don’t remember when

Was it when we lost everything else?

When we got the bed bugs?

And I sat in the middle of the room

Realizing it was just all so hopeless right then and there?

All hopes and dreams gone in a blink.

I lost control I don’t know when

It all fell apart I don’t remember when

Was it when it all came crashing down

Like Alice when she grew larger than the house?

When it all dissolved into a numbing pain

When Kevin died?

Taken by his own hand, no warning, no signs.

I lost control I don’t know when

It all fell apart I don’t remember when

Down deep into the rabbit hole I sank

I still seem to sink even to this day.

Only to find temporary relief from my brain.

The demons are still there,

But I’ve long since learnt how to play along.

I lost control I don’t know when

It all fell apart I don’t remember when

I’ve lost myself to unknown and unremembered dreams

To the point I wish not to sleep anymore.

For all they are,

Are demons of shadows tormenting me so.

Ripping the very fiber of my being all the more.

I lost control I don’t know when

It all fell apart I don’t remember when

I seem to sleep when awake at times.

untitled

I ask the questions others are too afraid to ask.

I speak truths where other's won't dare to.

I watch from afar it seems

But right in the middle of it all.

I observe and I dare speak finally

When I feel the need to arise

And I shock others when I dare to do so.

Like I dared to have thought

Like I dared to speak truths

I dare to know

To see the world as it is

I call them out at times

When I should bite my tongue.

But I still feel detached from it all.

Even now,

As I stand here speaking my words

Writing my muses will to be life.

I feel apart from it all

From them all

Like I don't belong here

I never belonged here

Or anywhere.

I am Alice,

Locked away in my brain

Never allowed out.

Never allowed free

To speak my words of truth

To be believed.

6.3.2018