Silly Phase

i'm a little bit lost 

and a tiny bit dizzy

sometimes 

it’s hard to breathe

and i'm trying 

ever so hard

to get out of a place

i don’t think that i want to leave

i bought myself

some flowery respite

i bought myself

some time

now im in up to my neck 

in a whisper thin version of a life

that i know will never be mine

and the whole time 

i'm kidding myself

that this could be anything 

other than what it is

telling myself 

that the fire is mine

and there is no way

im gonna get burnt

i watch on

like i'm oblivious 

witnessing 

my willingness

cursing

my crazy wild heart

i know exactly what i'm doing

and i know i shouldn't

but i'm doing it anyway

i tell myself 

i get to say when

yeah right and as if

how’s that working out?

i tell myself

a myriad of pretty little lies

i cling to the comfort of my delusion

to a soundtrack of future sighs

i tell myself

what i think i need to hear

a little angel on my shoulder

and a devil in my ear

i tell myself

you're just a plaything 

that just insults us both

this is so close and way to real

i didn't mean to drop my guard

i didn't mean to feel

i tell myself

i’m holding you

i tell myself

i’m letting you go

and sometimes...

i tell myself

there is no happy ever after