Shaving the Grey

I shaved my head today

I shaved the grey away

Not that I mind it

Not really anyway

Not that I sit awake

Thinking about my grey

I have other things

To fret about

To threat about

when the lights go low

and the time moves slow

I think and think

until my head explodes

then I think some more

until myself I bore

Why did I do that thing I did? you know the one, of course I do, that I did when I was in school

why does the fact that I did that, haunt me, still even today? another unique way that my mind proves there is not a lot anyone can say or do to hurt me more than I don’t already do to myself

I am quite sure, if that guy is not dead now, he has completely forgotten all about me and what I said and did

That’s not a very positive thing to say, now is it? But, the point is valid. Alive or dead, I’m not registering highly on his mind.

Particularly not if he’s dead. But, even if he’s not dead.

He’s not worrying about what 10 year old anyone said. Unless a 10 year old, a different one, not me, told him a terrible secret.

A terrible secret like he killed a man. But, that never happened. Unless it did.

I don’t have time or mental space to worry about grey hairs.

Not when I am wronging the rights and righting the rights of the most devastating and glorious times in my life.

In the twilight, as the stars shine bright. I can’t see them, as the curtains are drawn and I can’t see them, because I don’t want to stand. I can’t stand to see them.

So, I stay lying down, stay down, don’t stand, don’t take the majesty and mystery of the starlit sky into my eyes.

I just lie and tell myself tomorrow will be better and what has gone before can only shape me, not hurt me.

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Author's Notes: This was originally published through Scuzzbucket on Medium on April 21, 2025.

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