Shalløw III

Momma I apologize for the tears I've made you cry

You tried to raise me up in a home full of life

But you couldn't stop what I'd eventually see

You couldn't stop the stories committed to my memory

During the day things would always seem to be fine

But when those hours would pass you'd both fill up a glass

Unfortunately for us it was always more than wine

Unfortunately for us our nightmares would start past nine

My sister would tell me to hide so I would turn off the lights

My sister would tell me lies it went something like; "you'll be alright"

I would dive under my bed with a pillow to hold tight

I would fold it over my ears so I couldn't hear their fights

That gap under the door would let in more than muffled words

That gap couldn't stop the vibrations of them hitting the floor

The living room wasn't alive; When it heard her cries, his screams and more

The kitchen lacked food, but had plenty of liquor that two could pour

The bathrooms would be empty til momma searched for company in pills

After autumn when leaves stopped falling their wasn't money at all for bills

My window leaked water, The sill black from mold,

I still cant forget them chills at night no matter how old

Moms drugs would soothe the cold, Dads warm alcohol drowned problems

Divorce helped in creating more issues, It's not fair we had to solve them

We didn't want that, none of us did, I want a dad and mom like other kids

Instead I have a memory of my door left cracked, my mother on the ground

My fathers knee on her back, Her struggling to break free, Them sounds

I still hear clearly, Those screams and my dads yelling,

Each picture frame covers a hole he punched into the wall

I couldn't imagine what stories It would tell If it could talk

I do know who to blame, momma made A choice and walked

Mom we needed you, The drugs don't have a voice, but we do

I got your beatings instead, while you were living a fantasy in your head

The same man who hated you, Mom, wished your kid dead

Dad I remember those words you said,

When you grabbed me by the throat and held my neck in your palm

You lifted me up and I couldn't breath, Then you threw me with one arm

My head hit the couch and I was dizzy, you were screaming in my face

But I couldn't even see, You called your mom,

Telling her you were going to kill your own offspring

I was eight, what could I have done so wrong

I remember more and I wish I could forget

In your house I was just a puppet

I was a child that you made wish for death

Remember the dinner table?

If I couldn't finish what was on my plate to eat

You'd make me strip naked and then I'd get beat

I remember those lessons, creating a son that's not weak

I threw the food away one time, You found out

Made me dig through the trash can and put it back in my mouth

I was embarrassed with who I was

So I tried to hide

Locking everything deep inside

I apologized mom at the beginning

Because I now know why

You did every drug you could find

-Shalløw