Selfish

Is it selfish of me to want to leave whenever I want?

To have the ability to look at myself from the outside

My body just lying there, fast asleep, unfeeling of my wavering presence above

I just want to know the feeling of not being here

The ability to know what’s on the other side

While still being able to come back to life

Is it selfish of me to want to leave whenever I want?

To be able to escape what we deem reality

My spirit traveling to places unknown on any earthly experience

I want to meet and connect with other spirits from other realms

Enjoy their company for a while before it all ends and I must return

Escaping the matrix to explore all there is beyond

Is it selfish of me to want to leave whenever I want?

The ability to just think of a location and be there

No holding back, no blocks

Just to leave and come back whenever my heart and soul desires

I want to be able to feel the nothingness there is to feel over there

The emptiness that my soul yearns for so that I may find my self once again

The self that is here is only but a shell built of traumas and scars left behind

Is it selfish of me to want to leave whenever I want?

To make memories I keep on rolodex for my soul to go back to and cherish

So that I may be refreshed and made feel anew from the wonders of my soul’s memories

I just want to be able to numb all the hurt and pain we inflict on one another

Attacked again and there would be no reason to return the hurt

Only love harder because of the beauty I’ve been able to retain within

Is it selfish of me to also want to stay?

Live out life with those I love only so that I don’t miss their every joy

To be able to give them that love and guide them away from all I’ve had to endure

I just want to enjoy my time without the pain that comes with living day to day

Being aware of all of your demons and still not being able to make peace with them

Giving them space to enter and make a home where they aren’t even wanted

Is it selfish of me to also want to stay?

See out my days full of joy where I’m able to enjoy life and smile more than I cry

Because life can be too short and living in misery can only make that life shorter

I just want to be able to bounce between life and death freely

Hold memories of both sides without the attachments that come with the human experience

Live and love, die and live but never can you die and love only the opposite

Is it selfish of me?