Self Defiant

I have this tingle in my veins,

My wrists,

A feeling that is yearning-

Craving that blade,

Itching,

Un-controllably,

It craves the natural feeling.

I couldn’t even hold my pen for more than 30 sec.

I began to shake violently

Searching for that object sharp.

I want to use my pen-

Anything just to dig in to my flesh'

I can’t help It anymore

I’m not strong like you think.

Never had I been I’m just a vile vicious person,

Who craves to see blood flow

Even If It’s my own'

All senses run out I can’t think no longer~

I hate that.

Like the constant motion I do to my wrist-

My arms,

Just caressing the intense emotion

To dig deep with in my flesh

It feels like they have their own mind.

With the want to proceed

I can’t see,

I can’t even see!

I can’t read,

Why me?

Why must this mess with ME?

I cover my eyes-

They stay Covered-

Screaming for It to Stop-

~NO MORE!

It’s not going to Stop.

I want to move,

I’m stuck!

Staring down at my papers,

I see letters

But I can’t spell them out.

-THERE IS NOTHING-

I Swear I’m writing.

But I see no words.

Blinded by my own realm of knowledge?

Is It I who is blinding myself?

I know to much…

I saw too much too early in life…

Cursed with the vile monster in my veins,

It grows,

It flows,

Causing Havoc

My bones hurt,

My vacant vessels BURN-

I just want to watch myself bleed,

It’s happening again!

And it’s stronger than yesterday!

~I FEEL THE DAMN TINGE STRONGER!~

How do I stop feeling this?

Does it ever stop flowing so freely?

Why can’t It leave me alone?

A plague all to serene.

My mind becomes Infected

I’ve become Blinded by the World,

It’s a filthy feeling corrupting my brain

Where Thoughts are Inserted,

They become deprived

I wont Listen!

NO! NO, I can’t I need to remember~

What am I doing again?

Something is erasing my thoughts as I write…

An endless battle I live to fight.

~NO ONE IS AROUND~

My world is upside down

Won’t some one let me know …?

Can someone show me the way-?

I hate the sun for shining today

I wish it would forever rain

Drops of bloody tears

From the sky

In to a stream of lifeless reality

Just like the way you look at me…

~Bleeding, Crying, Lifeless, Your Reality~

The on going pain,

Lucid and Insane,

Remembering that day~

~The Scars Forever Remain~