Seasons

Happy birthday, Mike.

Today is June 1, the first day of hurricane season and my late husband's birthday. Up until Mike passed away, I wasn't even sure that God was real; I didn't want to be that person who said I kinda sorta believe God is real.

But that day, I got proof that God IS real in a big way, and the experiences I've had since then are unexplainable. In a supernatural kind of way.

Since then , I've learned to trust God to help me and when I thought I would lose my house, the money I needed started showing up. And then I started singing again, something I never did after high school, with a friend and now I can sing without being self-conscious about it. I learned how to play the Irish whistle- Mike gave me one for our last Christmas as a bit of a joke and now I can play it decently.

I went back to school to get a degree and I'm not going to say it's easy, but I was made for adversity, by His design.

I find joy in little things, a little " weed" in my pasture, a bluebird in the birdbath, a caterpillar on a plant. Oh I enjoyed all of it before, but now I'm seeing it through a different lens. A lens of gratitude and wonder and awe, that the One who created everything sees me, and used my loss to show me that He's always been right there, even when I doubted His existence.

We are all going to die, it's a fact of life. And about two seconds after Mike's heart stopped , God let me watch Mike walk away, perfectly healthy ( and younger).

I miss Mike. But I know where he is and he's safe. I was allowed to witness him leaving his clay body.

I miss having someone to come home to, to eat meals with, have deep conversations with and affection. I've had my own ideas and God is like, "Listen here, woman...yes, I know I created the universe in six days, but I want you to just trust Me and be patient."

“This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalms 118:24 NKJV

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