seascapes

Note:

I began writing this poem while working as a Marine Engineer on the R/V Marcus G. Langseth. My favorite rituals onboard all involved staring at the ocean: out the porthole of my cabin, from the treadmill in the gym over the port side, on the stern ramp as close as I could get to the propellors, from the highest point on the ship at night under the only two constellations I know.

I used to think water was blue but it has no color. As I stared at the ocean day after day, I began to see the colors that filtered from the light, dark, shallow, and deep. The Atlantic was green, black, and dirty. The Pacific was wide, blue, and bloody. I looked over the side of the ship and I couldn't avoid myself.

I thought of the oceans as the ultimate energy sink. We used it to dump excess heat from the machinery onboard. I used it to remind myself I could be calm, powerful, joyful, grieving all at once, and gave everything to the ocean. In return, she gave me strength and words.

In 2017 I collected my thoughts, field recordings, and notes from the time I had worked on the ship to write what I thought was an essay. As I shaped the words on the page, a new form emerged. Waves. I began trying to describe the oceans in the manner of Robert Lax, trusting my keyboard to place color how I saw out the porthole:

I didn't dare edit these poems for years. I was afraid I would break them, ruin them. Finally, in 2020, I returned to these sea poems and allowed myself to revise them, carefully shaping them into the form published here.

I began to realize these poems could exist simultaenously in different forms. I created a new poem that combined my poem-as-essay, ocean observation experiments, and video fragments. "seascapes" emerged. They exist as separate pomes, but also exist together in this form. The poems exist as fragments in my notebook, and in the zines I made with them. The poems exist as the multiple video pieces I've made with them.

You can watch the videopome "saltsong" at the start of this post. The title is inspired by John Masefield's Salt-water Poems and Ballads. I created the videopome by reading the main section of the poem aloud, screenrecording the poem, and screenrecording google searches that are overlaid over the text. My intent was to simulate the experience of staring at the ocean while keeping the viewer engaged.

Below are two zines I made while at sea. Saltsong Fragments plays with lines from the poem, and the other documents other experiments and writing I did underway.

I am not currently working as a mariner, as I left my job right before Covid with the intention of going back to school for wooden boat building. I'm currently focusing on my art and writing, which gave me the opportunity to explore my salt-water poems more deeply. I'm excited to share the results of that work here!

Working on Seascapes has taught me a lot. I've learned how to connect directly with my observations, and how to fluidly translate that into words. I've learned to trust the process, even if the process includes taking a break for a few years. I learned to have faith in my little fragments, and I know that even short lines written in a notebook can end up a part of something bigger. I learned the power of using color simply, and the power of repetition.

Thanks for reading! Poke my little heart or send a tip if you enjoyed it! I have essays, poems, and a series called Diarist that all draw inspiration from the ocean, so check it out if you're into it! :) :) :) :) :)