Sea Of The Feminine

A sea of the feminine surrounds me, closely pulling my many strings in all directions thought possible. The circling of elements spiral and flow, forever changing shape they do not stay in a single form. A school of spirit’s present themselves, in the eyes of countless faces, behind the shadows of not lost but distant spaces.

Silent cries continue to roam the long lost parade of broken souls. Each unheard voice seeking solace from entangled perceptions. Perceived through the tainted lenses; I begin to find myself. Amidst familiar faces and hardened heart beats, I find the not gone but forgotten pieces. Muddled up, jumbled memories remind me of who I once was. Or maybe, who I still could be.

As I drift into desolate realms, I start to find things that I never knew existed; the darkness of my shadow, and the truth of my intensity. Little did I know these shadows were here to befriend me, to show me the truth of who I am. The endless angles of my iridescent being, the multifaceted make up of my complexities.

Cocooned in sun kissed hues, caressed by dappled lights. Colours continue to flood my mind, tempting me to rise from the darkness; showing me the possibilities of life. The sun inspires me and the sea reminds me of the fear that keeps me alive, of death and the array of unknown contemplation that may arrive.

Little did I know darkness is not only the absence of light but also the makeup of light itself. The entangled salsaring between what I believed to be opposing sides; to only discover that there are no sides at all.

Instead only one.

One reality, a whirlwind of endless echoes. Perceived by you and I as conceit amongst sonder, sanity inside madness, wisdom wrapped in folly. Are they not one of the same? Hand in hand like the perfect coupled duo, contrasting elements creating ultimate harmonies.

I realise that I am a make up of raw and honest essence, of complete femininity. I accept myself as a chaotic explosion of naive passion and extremities. The sea of the feminine faces me, a double edged sword of endless realities. Haunted by memories, I contemplate through my multicoloured mirror. Beginning to see the beauty of everything; the magic dust, the broken parts, and the reality of what makes me, me.

Yet, trauma remains true.

Trudging through the thick umbra of self. Bottled up fear, drunk on misery and self doubt. Knowing forgiveness is a requisite for freedom. I am determined to conquer all that is felt, I release my sins, embracing duality and the path that’s been dealt.

Familiar flickers show me the way, through lifetimes of agony, suppression and guilt, I seek to release all that is false. Simply forgetting will never suffice. One must accept that no answers can quench the ever questioning mind. The old, the new, they all come with a price. I choose now to heal unburdened by time.

When I signed my name on the list for earth, I saw Picassos and Rembrandts. A place to experience one's self through the physical mirror of another. I thought it would be easy; an effortless lucid dream, coaxed in the tones of shaded paints. Learning to balance all the elements that would find me. A master I thought myself to be.

It’s as if I landed here thinking it would be simple; a human life of love and peace. However, this was never destined to be. Instead a lifelong challenge of untold mystery.

Little did I know there was a cost of being unapologetically me.