round and round

I listened to a song once, heard the word calamity, and thought that it meant peace. I mean what else would you think when it was sung about so melodically; mixed with how it is spelled, doesn't calamity just look as if calm just forgot a couple of its letters? forgot that it was the calm before the calamity?

I think to myself what a coincidence. . .no wonder my world seems to be constantly crumbling. I'd been praying for calamity all this time, sitting so calmly in disaster.

I am both chaos and peace;

My own calamity before reaching that peace.

now I see that melodically was actually melancholy and that this is nothing but an illusion of seeing the circle or a spiral. I am running up a spiral, not in a circle! which brings relief that I am not just a rat on a running wheel.

At times I take on familiarity and repetition before I take on different; too afraid to branch out, I focus on my root system.

I think to myself if it can take 3 years for asparagus to grow its first harvest, perhaps I am asparagus.

focusing on roots before I sprout above.

I remind myself that the grass is only greener on the other side when we finally decide to begin tending our own garden, the harvest only more plentiful after knowledge.

Slowly it becomes clear how I have been leveling up in my reactions, actions, my whole being; I am my garden growing roots before branches.

It becomes clearer that this is simply a game where the only remedy, the only way to win, is to simply continue living and evolving.

I can only hope that when I reach the end of this spiral I will be catapulted into something that is greener on the other side, something that is different.

I can only hope that my branches will have branches that reach out to touch the sky with offerings of what grows from me.