To everyone romanticizing suicide, fuck you
It's not something you and your boyfriend do one day because you're moving away from each other
It's not the first thought that comes into peoples minds when they're depressed
It's fucking serious
You telling someone it's a permanent fix to a temporary problem does not fucking help
We battle with suicidal thoughts for what seems like an eternity
We think of every possible way we could go out so that it doesn't seem intentional
We think about "what if the wind from the train was strong enough to push me in?"
Or, "what if a car just hit me hard enough?"
Or, "what if my car just rolled over and it seemed like I lost control?"
Once you have suicidal thoughts they don't always leave peacefully
They become quieter, and come back when you least expect them
Of course, you learn to not listen to them
Your head doesn't sound like a fucking club with the same song replaying over and over
And yes, I have had suicidal thoughts.
I was suicidal from the ages of 8 to 14 or 15
So please, DO NOT tell people something they already know
Most of us have stayed because we couldn't imagine hurting our families the way we've been hurting the entire time inside
Some of us though, take the chance to escape
Some of us say fuck it, and look for the peace in death
So don't romanticize us.
Do not try to tell us it's a permanent fix to a temporary problem
Because to us, the problem feels never ending
And we can't wait to get some peace