Rejection Syndrome

Counting grains

gazing into the slick tan terrazzo

Arms wrapped around the

Bar, bolted to the wall

Wide textured chair rail

A yoke of apricot plastic

Straining and

Pressing against the load

Like I could

Carry the barrier away and

Expose every secret inside

The western wing of

Saint something or other’s

Merciful blessing

The house the dying built

To postpone their

Inevitable fleeting mortality

My name bursts

Through the closed door

Shattering the frame

Splintering wood

A silver bullet

Forcing my transformation

Slowly engaging kinetic motion

The deeper I stare

Into the glittering layers

Of granite and quartz

The slower my steps

Retreating

Behind mental walls of safety

K.B. Silver

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When I was around 9–10, my maternal grandmother was put on the liver transplant list due to a condition called nonalcoholic fatty liver disease. Livers are one of the organs that can be taken from living donors, but unlike, say, a kidney, the liver is a wonderful and, dare I say it, miraculous organ. You only need one lobe transplanted, and it will hopefully grow into what is required for the patient while the donor’s liver regrows the lost portion.

My grandmother had already spent time convincing me to donate part of mine. Which I would gladly have done, except for the fact that I was nine years old, of course. I was sent into the hall when my parents arrived to speak with my grandparents and take me to school. I couldn’t hear everything they talked about, but what I did hear was frightening and confusing. Besides the fact that I was too young, I was “too sick” to be a donor, and the doctors would “never let me.” Not then, not ever.

At the time, my mother wasn’t just hiding my autism; she was hiding my autoimmune disease as well. Nearly everyone in my family has one. Something I wouldn’t learn about for several more years until I was fourteen and we were enrolling in school in Florida. My grandmother never did get a transplant; she died six years later. The only family member willing to even be tested for compatibility wasn’t a match. Their autoimmune condition was discovered while doing so.

My mother was diagnosed with the same liver condition between 10–15 years ago, and was able to get gastric bypass surgery, hoping to help slow its progression. This disease, along with Diabetes running in my family, is a big part of why I strive to manage my weight, especially by limiting my sugar intake and not drinking alcohol except for very occasional special events.

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Mayo Clinic Staff. “Liver Transplant — Mayo Clinic.” Mayoclinic.org, 2019, www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/liver-transplant/about/pac-20384842.

Mayo Clinic. “Nonalcoholic Fatty Liver Disease — Symptoms and Causes.” Mayo Clinic, 22 Sept. 2021, www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/nonalcoholic-fatty-liver-disease/symptoms-causes/syc-20354567.