Reckoning
started as a stream of consciousness poem
So angry it rattles my teeth
So hurt it turns me into a monster
every time I remember your smile—
that wide, practiced lie
You were talking
no—poisoning me
behind my back
casually
coolly
like it was nothing
like I was nothing
words chosen to rot me
while you looked into my eyes
called me friend,
said “I love you”
God you were good at it
Like a card trick
no—worse—
like a rigged game
only you knew we were playing
And now
there’s something wrong in me
something feral,
savage,
something that doesn’t want calm
doesn’t want closure
It wants blood—
gore—
guts—
vengeance—
reckoning.
I want the truth to spill
where you think you’re safest—
in your conversations with friends
on your carefully built version of yourself
in your private thoughts.
I want your lies bleeding—
bleeding on everyone
so no one can touch you
without getting stained
I want every room you enter to get colder, quieter
Every handshake to hesitate
Everyone to know your good guy story is fiction
I want your peace loud with doubt,
your sleep disturbed by nightmares of my pain,
your name to cause people to vomit in their mouths
before they can trust you
I want the man you pretend to be
crushed
suffocating
under the weight of what you did,
the mask slipping
no—falling
your second face cracking on the floor
Everyone should know
that you lie without blinking
that you use affection like a knife
that you break people
that you broke me
I know how I look
I do—
crazy
unstable
unhinged
yes
unhinged!
But this—
this is what happens
when someone carves betrayal into you
and expects silence
expects you to bleed politely
This is bloodlust
not to kill—
to expose
to maim
to make sure the damage
is not mine alone
About the Creator
Tina D. Lopez
Finally realizing I need to start acting like the main character in my own life. Writing helps me figure out where I keep losing the plot and giving away my spotlight. My story is a big mix of drama, comedy, tragedy, thriller, and, horror.
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