i took another pill this morning
to try to look people in the eye,
but mine filled with tears despite.
i looked away
because my optimism is waning and
when i don't feel good about myself, i don't feel good
about anyone else.
it saddens me to know that i need a daily bolus to maintain positivity.
it saddens me
that
i'm a disappointment to you
that
i have no energy
that
my body always hurts
that
i can't bring myself to read
that
i'm broke, but working too hard as it is
that
i'm so unwell,
so unhealthy,
but with no insurance, i can't afford to have a doctor tell me
the damage i've done.
and that's just
some
of the stuff i think about right now.
not an exhaustive list, by any means.
it doesn't even include the future worries,
or all the good things that suddenly feel bad because
i'm aware that
shoes drop
and now
i'm just waiting.
About the Creator
kp
I am a non-binary, trans-masc writer. I work to dismantle internalized structures of oppression, such as the gender binary, class, and race. My writing is personal but anecdotally points to a larger political picture of systemic injustice.
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