r e h e a r s a l

i remembered the dream

muzzle is tight

right

down

to

expectations

don’t remove

don’t loosen enough

for jowl movements

just words

small enough

to be unheard

unseen

unfelt

-

the white rabbits appeared

up top

up on their lantern

smiling

playful

-

and you whispered

just quietly

just rightly

just within earshot

in your perfect

unmuzzled way

and i thank you for that

you speak

for me too

when my fingers fuddle

with the clasp

i should undo

but don’t

-

sometimes

i fear their thoughts

their sideways eyes

the lash

the cracking lash

the blistering

sear

of it all

-

but you

unmuzzled anyway

i admire it

rise behind it

you release your words

without shame

on my behalf

on our behalf

and i call you teacher

but i never learn

the arithmetic

of adding my own

thoughts

to the ring

because

the backlash is

unequal

but you square it all out

-

and i

sat small

as if they would

slap hard enough

to leave a

permanent mark

but

is

it

worse

than the

pitted edema

of the muzzle

-

they raise the whip

they didn’t force

but asked you to oblige

you laughed

and laughed

and laughed

and i felt the adrenaline

not in you

but in me

my discomfort with

it all

your perfect honesty

your unmuzzled

truth

i love it

gush over it

admire it

and recoil in tandem

at your free tongue

words dripping out

without wear

without fear

of them

-

i like to think

i’d laugh so freely

i remember how

the lash already landed

before i walked

to the stand

-

without a fight

i stifled

snuffed out

closed the muzzle tighter

and words pour out in silent

guillotines of self-betrayal

that snap

that slice

a perfume for their ears

frothing from my tight lips

all the colors they want to taste

the sweet smell of

silent submission

what feeds them

empties me

dries me out

like a cracked

parched riverbed

-

but there

they’re there

white rabbits

perched in a lantern

the two of them

*

i remembered the dream

*

of the old

white haired woman

soft smile

we sat at the

wooden table

with wax

and fiery eyes

and ice

e q u a l

calm

intimate

open

deeply familiar

familial

divine

no muzzle required

she was the rehearsal

the anchor

the crowned lineage

of wisdom

and she

whispered

with her eyes

her thoughts

to me

again

do not fear the

emotional violence

of judgment

do not fear the lash

purity lies

in your

own path

do not hold

the weight of

old threats

of old threads

of old dread

you

your wild

do not fit

performative

forced silence

-

the white rabbits

glowed

illuminated

from their lantern perch

-

you

don’t color

within their lines

filter

step quietly

you loosen

your own muzzle

here

let me help

you can

as only few before you have

you can cut

the leather bind

break free

chart new course

lax your jowls

-

and you

can

simply

leave

the room

with the

muzzle

in your hand

-

and i remember this moment

before it happens

-

the white rabbits glow