This is crazy.
I go into these moments where I’m not sure how to get out.
I feel these things that make no sense.
I know there are people who feel the same.
But then my mind says, “You’re wrong. No one understands.”
I feel alone.
I feel like it’s just me stuck in this rut.
Stuck inside this deep abyss.
Drowning.
Struggling for air.
How do I feel?
I feel so irrevocably sad.
So sad that I don’t even know what to do with myself.
It came out of nowhere.
Like the tides of the ocean picking up and crashing on the banks, trying to pull me under.
I begin to feel bored and then it turns to sadness.
But then that sadness takes over my whole person.
I start sobbing.
I’m like a volatile experiment.
It just happened and I’m exploding.
Where is the off switch?
I break down because I’m so confused.
I cry more just out of confusion.
I don’t know how I got this way.
I have no reason to be this devastated or this broken inside.
What’s wrong with me?
Why can’t it stop?
Why can’t I stop?
The world surrounding me darkens.
I’m being pulled under.
Silence ensues.
Quiet.
It’s quiet but I’m still screaming inside.
Screaming so loud and no sound is coming out.
How is there no sound?
It’s in my head. I’m screaming silent screams and pleading for it to end.
How did this happen?
What’s wrong with me?
Why am I broken?
Why am I not normal?
Why can’t I just feel happy?
When did I start to feel this way?
What triggered it?
How can I make it stop?
I beg and plead to no one there.
No one is listening.
Even if there was... they don’t understand.
Because no one understands.
How can a person on land who's never touched water know how it feels to be in the ocean, swept away by the current and the tide forcing you below the surface?
How can someone understand what they don’t know?
I don’t want pity and I don’t want sympathy.
I want it to end.
I want the feeling to go away.
I’m sick of feeling broken. I’m sick of being the outcast.
I’m the black sheep with a world of differences and feelings surrounding me. I’m struggling and no one is there.
About the Creator
Emily Valdez
Some of my posts are from when I was full of teen angst. I wrote mostly through the roller coaster of a relationship like all teens have at one point. Some other stuff is newer and less dark. Hope you give it all a chance. Happy reading.
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