qalbi yanfajiru bi-imtinan (قَلْبِي يَنْفَجِرُ بِامْتِنَان)

Sketching out a landscape of a forever shifting organ is like trying to catch the Earth for an interview

It's too busy keeping life going

Too wholesome to consider itself opinionated

Too tender to take time off and be expected to return by a certain date

As if one could truly rest and then consciously decide to return to the turmoil after experiencing such peace

Yet I am asked (I did the asking),

Where would you be if you traversed through my organs

As if tourist pretending to know the language, in faux pas awe of the sights

As if you didn't know the chambers echoed out fear when thrown into large groups or gatherings

Or that poetry has etched itself on the walls like cave paintings still being (re)deciphered in hope of making some grand discovery

We fake disorientation, act as if veins are just suggestions even though we know they're lifeline directions

And back track towards the nearest exit feigning a stomach ache when it's really just indigestion from that one street food stall on the way

A the indigestion is real

The lack of resolve, the bruising walls, the discomfort in oneself

The endless gas, fear of ulcers, the sweaty nightmares

But you decide to travel through the storm anyhow

Hoping for the light and rainbow at the end of the tunnel

A sign to say that even though my heart keeps beating and taking beatings, it's still trying to beat this game called Life

Because maybe you're at a long-anticipated boxing match

Or perhaps floating down the endless rapids even with a boat full of holes

But know that my heart is a love-filled passage

Candle-lit table with chairs for everyone

Beating to the drum of the Earth so that you always feel grounded

A guide to a place of belonging rather than loss

So know that you're exactly where you've always been,

A little to the left, terrified in a cheap rental lion suit

Puffed up and always ready to fight

My heart is both punching bag and the place to lay your head down after a long day

قَلْبِي يَنْفَجِرُ بِامْتِنَان - My heart is bursting with gratitude