Proof of Survival

Watching television on a screen
My mind hits the rewind 

Seeing an unhappy  woman 
Tears in her eyes 
Looking around 
Seeing if someone would notice her 

I tried turning on the brightness 
That's the brightest it would go

I saw the worry in her eyes 
I felt the pain she hides 
A cold front that went through her body
With bricks in her stomach
The shakiness her body carries 

She asked me 
Am I cursed
Would I always feel this way

I tried telling her it’s okay 
That I am here 
She never once believed that 
She constantly felt the bricks getting heavier  

To her
All of that felt like a lie 
I feel like I let her down 

My mind fast-forwards to the present 
I look around
Brightness is turned halfway up 
Bricks in her stomach begin to lighten 
Shakiness in her body becomes relaxed 
The worry in her eyes lowers 
For the first time
She says 
I feel alive 
Tears start to flood her eyes 

She says 
Thank you for not giving up on me 

This poem I wrote was about the times I felt stuck, the times I kept asking myself questions, feeling like I’m doing everything wrong, but I realize the person who didn’t give up on me was actually me.

When writing this, I was having memories in my mind I do every time I write, and sometimes I do ask why. Still, I realize there is no answer to why this happened, why I felt that way, not even an answer to how I am feeling neutral. I'm still trying to get used to that, but writing this showed me proof of survival; I am alive. The biggest thing that really touched me with my words was Thank you for not giving up on me I added that because I have said that to myself. That proof showed me I survived and that I am noticed. There will be a time when you will notice the change, and when you do, cherish it, please.