Pretending to be a Woman

PRETENDING TO BE A WOMEN

My body grew faster than I did

And you think I am now a women

No

I had to grow into My body

Had to grow into the curves that arrived too early

I filled the extra space with masked confidence and fake intellect

so that I maybe fit to be called a "women"

The rest of me struggles

To met the approving nods

God forbid they approch and start a conversation

My studder ,

My lack of sophisticated words

Would have them looking down at me in less than a second

So I try my best 

Not to acquaint myself

My phisque reached its pick

Before I could reach my mid-point

They look at me with satisfaction in their eyes

I must no longer look like a girl

Cause they didn't use to look at me like that

Back when I was Dancing in mud puddles

And playing silly games

Back when I didnt wear heals

That made me wish I had no legs

Back when I didn't feel the need

To fake laugh at pointless jokes

Back when norms were something I could break without consequences

Back when I could avoid stressful talks

Cause I was told I wasn't old enough

Back when I could sleep

The minute my head meets my pillow

They didn't look at me like that

But now

Now that I can entertain

The old men with full pockets

That scavage through the room

Like it's a super market

And leave with the one they want

Or two if they desired

I am considered

.......valuable

So I

Put on a dress they tell me a women wears

Feeling uncomfortable

Showing more skin than cloth

I find a sit far back

Hoping no one sees me go

I Practise the few lines I learned

Sweet and slow

The way they told me I should

I shiver

Wanting to go back to my bed

And hide beneath the covers I used to know

Before they find out I'm putting on a show

Before the temprature drops as their eyes turn cold

I shiver

Paranoid

Looking around to see

if anyone has noticed

that I was just a girl

pretending to be a women

~

@