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Penny For Your Thoughts?

Existential Nonsense

By Sabeen NooraniPublished 6 years ago 2 min read
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Penny for your thoughts?

“I’m thinking about nothing”

you can’t be thinking about nothing

“well I am”

When you’re thinking about nothing

are you actually just

thinking about thinking

and

how meta that shit is

or

are you just

thinking about nothing worth mentioning

are you

thinking about life

which sometimes just feels like

nothing

if you wanna get deep about it

which I don’t

are you

thinking about all the lives

you could be leading

and do those lives

think about you

when they’re

thinking about nothing

Lives that begin

the second

you

make a choice

the choice to tell a lie

the choice to leave a lie

the choice to live in one

for continuity’s sake

The unlead life that lives

in a place where

you never said goodbye to her

you never drove away

the life that lives in a space

where you became static

Or maybe a life

that exists because

you sat at a different table on the first day

smiled at a different stranger

wore a pair of shoes that didn’t cause you to trip down the stairs

that life probably feels better than you do right now

Did you create another life

just now

by agreeing to try broccoli

by agreeing that it’s pretty good

did you change it all

what do those lives think about you

the one where

you didn’t

try to pretend to be someone you’re not

the one

where you never

cut your hair short in the 9th grade

the one

where no one taught you

that you were dangerous

the one

where no one told you

it doesn’t take a monster

to do monstrous things

unspeakable things

where is the life

where you jumped

who are you

without that one scar

from that one time

where you had to prove to yourself

that you were not

immortal

are you ashamed

of your life

do you wish you were in the one

where he never texted you back

do you wish you lived the life

where the sound of pills rattling in a plastic bottle

didn’t make you salivate like a fallacious sadist

where hospital were only for broken bones and tonsillitis

which life is the one where you made all the right choices

does that one even exist

i mean it has to right

because of string theory

or some shit

saying that there is an anti you

doing the opposite of everything you did

I wish I knew them instead of you

do you think you lived the wrong life

because I do

every time

I’m thinking about nothing

heartbreak
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