PASTY BACK

The girls down the the bingo called him the mauler.

Pasty back was the bingo caller.

He wore beige slacks with a starched in crease.

With nazzy health glasses and brown hair piece.

Pasty back got his name in school.

Because he walked with a hunch after falling from a stool.

Anyway, Pasty need a new three piece suite.

So he borrowed eight tun from the fella down the street.

Now what he didn't know when he got this loan.

It was backed by a loan shark called big Joan.

So for over three week's when Pasty was skint.

When the tally man knocked he'd pretend he wasn't in.

So big Joan got wind that Pasty was conniving.

She decided he was due a fucking good hiding.

Big Joan and her bird who got called the "gruesome two-sum".

Burst in the bingo and just cut loose on him.

But what they didn't know when they dived in with a dig.

Is that Pasty was wearing an Irish Jig.

So Big Joan's bird has grabbed his hair.

The wigs flew off and gone in mid air.

Well Pasty shit and grabbed big Joan's tit.

While the birds steaming in with karate kicks.

So Pasty's screaming "Get this fat cunt off me".

Big Joan's pulled a cosh from the back of her trackie.

Next thing you know, a bizzy turn's up.

Steams in with a truncheon to break up the ruck.

The soft cunt bizzy only slips on the wig.

Goes flying across the bingo and hits some kid.

The kids Ma' flips, picks up her bag.

Hits the bizzy in the face with a big fucking slap.

Now wait'll you hear what happens next.

Some shoplifter comes in selling Marksies kecks.

The bizzy screams out "You’re all under arrest".

Thinking he's hard in his bullet proof vest.

Well that was it, it just went moody.

Big Joan's bird has pulled out an Uzi.

I swear to god this is no word of a lie.

She sprayed the whole bingo shouting "You’re all gonner die"

Every ones ducked and dived on the ground.

I was already under the table so I was sound.

All hells broke loose, everyone's been on the wine.

Some oul ones shouting "I don't fuckin believe this I've just got a line".

Now by this point the helicopters about.

The bingo managers on the tannoy screaming "Get the fuck out".

The bizzys on the floor shouting for help down the radio.

Big Joan's bird has finally ran out of ammo.

The shoplifters kecks are all over the gaff.

Some woman is crying to a picture of a staff.

The wigs in bits all over the floor.

Pasty's been fucked his cheeks are red raw.

Big Joan's on the floor her tits have fell out.

Some girl in the corner taking a selfie with a fucking big trout pout.

Next thing you know the armed response burst through the door.

Screaming "Right you cunts get on the floor".

Well that was it the oul one that had just got a line.

Screamed "I'm fucking sick of the murder in here all the time".

She's took her self over to the armed response.

She said "Listen cunt, I'll say this once".

"Get that baldy twat up of the floor and pay me out once and for all".

And with that Pasty got him self up.

And said "I've only bought myself a couch and I've just got fucked".

"I don't fucking care" the oul one said.

She can't take her eyes off Pasty’s head.

"I'll tell you what Pasty just to be fair".

"I'll give you a dropsy towards new hair".

Well with that everyone went inbulk.

Big Joan's bird's handcuffed like the Incredible Hulk.

Pasty shouts "Someone pay this oul twat her money".

"Yer gang of evil cunts it's not fuckin' funny".

Later that night when Pasty got to the top of his street.

He was greeted by flames and a blast of heat.

He looked up in disbelief and let out a scream.

His house was ablaze like a movie scene.

It turns out that Pasty had ten plants in the loft.

The leckie was on the fiddle and there was a fault with the box.

This had caused a fucking massive explosion.

Pasty looked around at all commotion.

He wiped his brow and fell to his knees.

Looked up at the sky and said "Our lord please".

Just at that moment the fire engine reversed.

And crushed Pasty to death while he was saying his prayers.