Pain Filled Eyes and Happy Lies

I like to pretend for a while everything's alright ,

Like I am not losing this fight ,

Because maybe if convince everyone I'm fine ,

I won't have to walk this tight rope line ,

If I convince everyone I'm ok ,

Maybe for awhile I'll forget I feel this way ,

I try to get out of bed ,

Legs like lead ,

Pounding pain in my head ,

Somedays the pains so bad I wish I were dead ,

I want to cry but no one will hear me shout ,

I open my mouth but no sound comes out ,

The noise of my breaking heart ,

Of all I am falling apart ,

Is swept under the rug ,

As I am passed yet another pharmaceutical drug ,

I lie awake at night and cry ,

Wonder why ,

Why this is happening to me ,

Why I have this illness no one else can see ,

Is this how my life is going to be ,

I feel like I'm slowly losing my sanity ,

I hold onto the flower stems of hope ,

Try to grow roses to cope ,

I etch smiley faces ,

Over my broken beaten places ,

Because the world does not want to deal ,

With the kind of pain I feel ,

Most people don't even believe it's real ,

I can't scrub away other people's stigma ,

They treat me like an enigma ,

I am breaking without a sound ,

There is no noise as I hit the ground ,

I smile ,

Try to hold out a little while ,

My pain filled eyes ,

Tell the happiest of lies ,