Out of Order...

When your in a court room the judge can yell out of order

But what about in life

We each can be the judge, jury, and executioner

We create are lives the way we would like things to go

But what happens when things don't always go according to plan

I sit in the corner

My head hanging down low

My stomach in a knot

My thoughts rushing to and fro

Lived Experiences

Lessons Learned

I think about how I should be happy it's going to be my birthday

Then I see it

A post on Facebook by a so called friend

Once again my confidence destroyed

My ideas played out by someone else as if they were their own

I'm still waiting

Waiting on that message reply

I think can you uninvite someone to your birthday dinner

I am reminded of a time

A time where I was invited to a wedding

I asked if I could bring family member A to go in the place of family member B, who was invited

Well let's just say I ended up not being able to go

My heart ached all over again

I'm brought back to my younger years

All the back stabbing

All the ill will done towards me

It's triggering

I see all the times others turned on me

Told my secrets

A story not theirs to tell

I try to bottle up the emotions I feel inside

I'd rather go back to avoiding all the troubled times

Run and Hide

You already have a reservation my inner voice says inside my head

I'd rather delete my social media accounts

Go back to sitting at home by myself

But you're doing it for your Mental Health

But how can something be good for your mental health when it feels like Betrayal

I'm back in my head to where I was 5 years ago

Another friendship ruined by another's decision not to have my back

Or the other times my own blood turned on me

Time and Time Again

Like a repeated nightmare I must bare

I'm the judge, jury, and executioner

This is my life

I decide who goes or who stays

Another bridge to burn

A path that seems more clear

I turn around

Walk away

I only want those in my life who actually want to be here!