Operator

Walking dispensing encyclopedia,

information vending machine.

Please listen through options

one through nine.

One will connect you to the landline,

where are you calling from again?

Two will connect you to the answering machine of—

don't bother dear, they all get screened.

Three and four are disconnected,

but five will put you through to me.

Six will repeat this menu,

bear with the few that remain—

seven was never recorded over

so it's the same as it used to be.

Eight will give you all the hours

operating though, we'll see.

Number nine will congratulate you

for making it this far,

but my darling

you've heard already,

you only need to dial five.