On Kanye and Anorexia

Kanye West’s mother died in Hollywood

about nine years,

eighteen days,

and nineteen hours ago.

She had gone through liposuction

and breast reduction surgery

that her first plastic surgeon

had advised her not to get,

due to a health condition

that put her at risk for a heart attack.

She went to a second surgeon,

and then a third,

got the surgeries

and died.

Thirteen hours ago it was 2am,

and I was up late

watching a Lifetime movie

called Starving in Suburbia,

about an anorexic girl

who loved to dance.

The lighting starts out bright and happy,

the camera angles showcasing

the roundness in her cheeks

and the fullness of her ass

in her leggings.

By the end of the movie

the air is gray,

They make her hair

look thin and limp

with grease,

they make the shadows

under her collarbones

purple, and the circles

under her eyes

look like bruises.

She almost dies

because she won’t eat.

Throughout the entire movie

I look at the shape of her nose,

it curves inwards then upwards

like a ski slope,

and I think she is beautiful.

I think she is beautiful

when she weighs 123 pounds

and I think she is beautiful

when she weighs 103 pounds

(which is exactly one pound less

than what I weighed

about two years,

nineteen days,

and two hours ago).

I think she doesn’t need

to starve herself,

her nose makes her pretty

and that’ll never change

no matter how much she weighs.

But my nose curves outwards

and then downwards,

my face like that

of a sour old man.

I do need to starve myself.

Nose jobs cost about $5000,

I have $64

in my checking account

and savings account

combined.

About five hours ago

I woke up

and saw a video

of a frog eating a baby mouse.

It’s bumpy lips

closed

around the mouse’s pelvis,

and crunched.

The mouse’s stomach swelled up

from the pressure,

and for a moment it looked pregnant

before its organs burst

from its sides.

The frog swallowed

the limp, towel-like

corpse.

The mouse had never once

opened its eyes.

I think I would pay $5000

just to be that mouse,

to have my organs

explode out of me,

to have them not be

my problem anymore,

to have never known

what my swollen

stomach looks like.

In 2010 Arnold Schwarzenegger

signed off on the Donda West Law,

which makes it mandatory

for patients to provide medical clearance

for elective cosmetic surgery.

It does not consider

psychological clearance,

it says nothing

about mice.