Oh My Words

I’d like to tell you about my mind and my words,

each in their own category,

so allow me your time

to explain them individually.

In hopes it will help me feel more like myself,

more sane, more free.

Although I wish I were one person

with one thought and one word,

that’s not my reality.

I am more myself

when I am not thinking.

When my thoughts get dark,

who I think I might be

starts sinking in.

They say, “Think before you speak,”

but my words speak things

I would never truly mean.

Is there a way

to take back the things I’ve said?

Could I replace all my lies with the truth,

even if the outcome hurts me

and heals you?

I want to take back

some of the things I’ve mentioned.

I’d go back in time

and hold every word

under better consideration.

I’d speak more with love,

honesty,

and good intentions.

More than that,

I’d finally speak up when I had to.

I’d go back,

finally say no,

and forget all about you.

Who knows—

maybe I’ve always said too much,

too little,

or never enough at all.

Why does receiving an apology

hurt more

than giving one?

For my final act of love, I’ll seek redemption

for all the times I spoke out of anger

just to get your attention.

I realized there wasn’t much left unsaid or unread;

every book eventually has its pages turned.

Your truth hurt me,

but my lies hurt more, I’ve learned.

Now I stand at the chance

to choose the right direction.

And if facing you honestly

is the only form of redemption,

then I’ll do it in this lifetime

so I never lose the love we shared

in another dimension.

A place where I can speak freely

and finally feel unmasked,

where loving you

would be the only purpose—

and honestly,

there is not much more

I could have ever asked